guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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