Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize