I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
sarcasm needs its own font
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
