And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
