Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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