try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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