just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize