Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
