After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
