office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Who died my cat blue again?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
