I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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