dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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