I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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