Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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