well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
