You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
