Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize