So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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