i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
