What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
