you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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