Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
