At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
