I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
