My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize