I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
