We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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