Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
