Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
