Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
