I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
