For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
