are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
