Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
