Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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