I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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