im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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