I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
