Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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