That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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