Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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