whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
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