Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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