I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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