I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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