Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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