??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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