I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need a burrito and a hug.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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