if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
