we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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