literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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