I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
