Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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