i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
