Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
