I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
