Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
