This is not my ceiling
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
