All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize