Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
