also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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