Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
