i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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