i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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